Free Kids Jokes - Clean Humor

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Q: What's it called when you kill a pig?
A: Hamicide!

~ Sent by Ceaton
My horse is very polite. Whenever we come to a jump,
it always lets me go first!

~ Sent by Sharon
Q: What's the name of the most dangerous city?
A: Electricity!

~ Sent by R.Vasudha
Q: What is the computer's favorite dance?
A: Disk-o.

~ Sent by S.H.
Tom: How would you look if you were bald?
Pat: I would look with my eyes.

~ Sent by Nicole
Q: What did the goose say when he got cold?
A: "I have people-bumps!"

~ Sent by Claire
Q: Why couldn't the flower ride the bike?
A: Because it had lost its petals.

~ Sent by Alexis
Q: How did the frog die?
A: It croaked!

~ Sent by BrEnDaN
A boy's Mom asks him, "Honey why are you sleeping with a ruler?"
The boy replies, "I wanted to see how long I slept."

~ Sent by Renee (
Q: What should you do with a blue monster?
A: Cheer him up!

Q: What time is it when the clock strikes thirteen?
A: Time to buy a new clock!

~ Sent by S.Ann
Q: What is green, big, and doesn't speak all day?
A: The Incredible Sulk!

~ Sent by Susan
Q: Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
A: Because if they flew over the bay they would be called bagulls.

~ Sent by Chelsea Harden
Q: Why do cows have bells?
A: Their horns don't work.

~ Sent by J.M.
Q: What did the spider do in the computer?
A: He made a webpage.

Q: What do squirrels do when they fall in love?
A: They go nuts!

~ Sent by Danielle K.
Q: Why did the ghost cross the road?
A: The chicken got hit by a 16 wheeler.

Q: Why did the punk rocker cross the road?
A: He got his safety pin caught on the chicken.

~ Originals by Liz Hensley (
Q: Why did a cow go to Hollywood?
A: He wanted to become a MOOOOOOOviestar

~ Anonymous
Q: What can you say to an annoying cockroach?
A: "Stop bugging me!"

~ Sent by S.A.
Q: What color is a burp?
A: Burple.

~ Sent by Calum Wherity
Q: What kind of key can't open a door?
A: A donkey.

~ Sent by Regina Ritchie
Q: Why must two elephants go for a swim in the pool?
A: Because they need a pair of trunks.

~ Sent by Pauline
Q: Why did the gum cross the road?
A: Because it was stuck to the chicken's foot!

~ Sent by Kate
Q: What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
A: Pool table.

~ Sent by Matthew Manternach
Q: What do you call a cat who eats lemons?
A: A sour puss.

~ Sent by Chris
Q: What Happened when Godzilla got thirsty?
A: He drank 'Canada Dry'

~ Sent by Sheila
Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldozer.

~ Sent by Matthew
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Cow goes.
Cow goes who?
No, cow goes moo!

~ Sent by Andy Hogan
Q: What do you do if you see a spaceman?
A: Park in it, dude!

~ Sent by Claire
Jeff: " You know what I can't stand"
Bill: "What?"
Jeff: "I can't stand to sit!"

~ Sent by "happy"
Kareena: "Last night I dreamt that I was eating a giant marshmallow."
Marcy: "Really?"
Kareena: "Yes, and when I woke up, my pillow was missing!"

~ Sent by S.H.
Why did Captain Kirk throw the Klingon on the barbeque?
Because he was grilling him for information!

~ Sent by Sheila Ann
Knock, knock:
Who's there?
Noah more holiday jokes please.

~ Sent by Jeremy Retherford
Why did the soldier have a pie in his ear?
Because he was a member of the pie "n" ear corps.

~ Sent by J. Rogers

Q:What happened to the boy who swallowed a flashlight?
A:He hicupped with delight.

~Sent by Isaac Bartlett
Did you hear about the two peanuts walking in the woods?
One was "a-salted."

~ Sent by Karen
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Orange who?
Orange (aren't) you glad you got to see me?

~ Sent by Lisa
Q: What's black, white and read all over?
A: A newspaper.

~ Sent by Lisa

~ Sent by Tim Lei
Q: What was the first bus to cross the Atlantic Ocean?
A: ColomBUS

~ Sent by Colleen Manske
What do you call a cow with no legs?

What do you call two banana peels laying on the floor?

~Sent by "Banana"
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work!

~ Sent by Sara Hein
Teacher: "Karen please spell 'Giraffe'"
Karen: "G-I-R-A-F-F-E"
Teacher: "Spell again"
Karen: "G-I-R-A-F-F-E"
Teacher: "No! I asked you to spell the word 'AGAIN', not GIRAFFE!"

~ Sent by Joan
Q: Where do vampires learn to suck blood?
A: Law School

Q: What do you call a no-legged dog?
A: Nothing, he won't come anyway.

Q: What do you do with a no-legged dog?
A: Take it for a drag.

Q: Where do you find a no-legged dog?
A: Right where you left it.

Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A: A stick.

Q: Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
A: They have big fingers.

Q: What has four legs, is green, fuzzy and if it falls
out of a tree on top of you will kill you?
A: A pool table.

~ Sent by Dale and Valarie Fish
Q: What grade hurts the most to get?
A: A "B" because it stings!

~ Sent by Kylee Andrea
A little girl asked her grandpa,
"Are you a frog?"
Grandpa said "No, why do you ask?"
The little girl said,
"Mom said we will get your house when you croak!"

~ Sent by Lacey Nelson
Q: What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot!

~ Sent by Matt Berryman
Mary had a little lamb,
His foot was black as soot.
And everywhere that Mary went,
His sooty footy put.

~ Sent by Deborah J Sullivan
Q: What's the biggest rope in the world ?
A: Europe

Q: What's the biggest gate in the world?
A: colgate

~ Sent by Prateek
Q: What do ears and candles have in common?
A: They both have wax!

Q: What happens when a fly eats some butter?
A: It turns into a butterfly

~ Sent by Stacey
Q: Why DIDN'T the skeleton cross the road?
A: Because he didn't have the gutts; get it NO GUTTS!!!

~ Sent by Jacob Gunnell
Q: What happened when the basket ball player drank milk?
A: He dribbled.

~ Sent by Becky Kolar
Q: Where does Napolean keep his armies?
A: In his sleevies!

~ Sent by Jacob Gunnell
Q: What did the teddy bear say when he was offered desert?
A: No thanks, I'm stuffed !!

~ Sent by Jyles LeBoeuf
Q: Why did the rooster cross the road?
A: Because the chicken wasn't there to do it.

~ By Sebastian Gonzalez
Q: What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
A: You can't tune-a fish!

~ Sent by Mallory
Q: What do frogs drink?
A: Croak a Cola.

~ Sent by Guy
Q: How do you catch a unique rabbbit?
A: Unique up on him!

Q: How do you catch a tame rabbit?
A: The tame way!

~ Sent by Scot
Q: Why did tiger jump down the toilet?
A: He was looking for Pooh!!!

~ Sent by Lynae Smith
Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other SLIDE!!!

~ Sent by Barton Bundy
Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes?
A: They'd crack each-other up!

Q: What did one strawberry say to the other?
A:"Look at the jam you've gotten us into!"

Q: What did one firecracker say to the other firecracker?
A: "My Pop is bigger than your Pop!"

~ Sent by Melanie
Q: What has four legs and one arm?
A: A Pitt-Bull, coming home from the park.

Q: How did the egg cross the road?
A: It scrambled across!

~ Sent by Melanie
Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An Impasta.

Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his DARN tractor?
A: Where's my DARN tractor?

~ Sent by Will Gentry
Q:Why did the frog cross the road?
A:To see what was hoppining over there.

Q:Why did the turtle cross the road?
A:To get to the Shell station.

~ Sent by J. A. Person
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Atch who?
Bless you.

~ Sent by Kirby
Q: What do you get if you cross a sheep and a frog?
A: A wooly jumper.

~ Sent by Chris
Q: Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?
A: So he could hide in the strawberry patch.

~ Sent by Jonathan Fulbright
Q: What do you get if you cross a lamp with a violin?
A: You get light music.

Q: Why did the dog cross the road?
A: Because chickens weren't invented.

~ Originals by Ben Ivey
Pringles: Once you pop, you can't stop!
Mouse Potatoes: Once you click, you can't stop!

~ Contributed by Christy Wong
Q: What do leopards say after lunch?
A: "That sure hit the spots!"
Q: What does a cold cow give?
A: Ice cream!
Q: Why did the boy bring a ladder to chorus?
A: He wanted to sing higher!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Max who?
Max no difference who; just let me in!
GHOST: "Doctor, I feel faint."
DR: I guess so; you're white as a sheet!"
A guy walks into a laundry run by cats. "Excuse me", he said to the cat in charge, "Can you get milk stains out?" "Sure," replied the cat. "We'll have that stain licked in a minute!"
Q: What happened when the elephant sat on the car?
A: Everyone knows a Mercedes Bends!
Q: What's a snake's favorite school subject?
A: Hissstory!

What Do You Get When You Cross...

an owl and a goat?
A Hoot-nanny

a mountain lion and a parrot?
I dunno, but when it talks, ya better listen!

a chicken and a catterpillar?
Drumsticks for everyone!

a high chair and a bird?
A Stool pidgeon.

~ Sent by Melanie
Q1: What's black and white and black and white and black and white?
A1: A nun rolling down a hill.

Q2: What's white and black and white and black and white and black?
A2: A video of a nun rolling down a hill, played backwards!

~ Sent by Lara
Do you know why Eskimos always do their laundry in tide?
Because it's too cold out-tide!

~ Sent by Nancy Haver

Two Little Snakes

Two little snakes were wiggling along the side of the road when the first little snake turned to the second little snake and asked, "Are we poisonous?" "Why?" asked the second little snake, to which the first little snake replied, "Because I just bit my lip!"

~ Sent by Martin Cilliers
Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: Because chickens weren't invented yet.

~ Sent by Kenneth Salisbury
Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boogie in it!

~ Sent by Jeanna
Q: Why did the dog cross the road?
A: To get to the barking lot!

Get it? The barking lot! Arf! Arf!

~ Sent by Paul Hayden

Q: Where do you get dragon milk?
A: From a cow with no legs.

~ Submitted by Msrodeif
Q: A chicken is sitting in its yard. A rooster comes by and lays an egg on the chicken's yard. Who's egg is it?
A: No one's, because roosters can't lay eggs!

~ Submitted by Joey Zeman
Knock, Knock,
    Who's There?
    Boo Who?

Why are you crying it's only a Knock Knock Joke!

~ Submitted by Joey Zeman

Grandma's AOL

Grand ma' had AOL problems, so she called an AOL technician for help. The technician asked her, "What's the problem with your AOL?"

Grand ma' said that a message kept popping up on her monitor saying, 'There is new mail in your mail box.' But when she walked outside to check her mail box, it would be empty every time!

~ Submitted by Prem Ganwani
Q: What did the Pink Panther say when he stepped on an ant?
A: "Dead ant, Dead Ant ... Dead ant, Dead Ant .. Dead Ant"
(to the tune of Pink Panther theme).

~ Submitted by Elaine Millis

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